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May (Nigeria): Beyond my ectopic

May (Nigeria): Beyond my ectopic

My wedding was a fairytale...Not because it was extravagant and had almost 2000 guests in attendance... but actually because I was getting married to my Prince Charming...You see this man is (and was) so caring and loving, I knew God had me in mind when he was created..!!! He always made me smile and I couldn't wait for us to spend the rest of our lives together....

We had talked about having kids and I had always wanted twins: identical ones of course... I myself had wanted to be a twin, where we could both have spent all day confusing people about which twin had done something wrong...

So when I realised I was pregnant barely three months after my wedding, I was ecstatic. I danced and couldn't contain my excitement. As soon as my Darling Husband arrived from work, I showed him my hand made card that read, "Guess who's going to be a daddy???"

Little did I know, that three years down the line, we will still be waiting to make that statement a reality. The pregnancy of three years ago happened to be an heterotopic one... (which means there was a pregnancy in the womb and another in the tube).

This type pf pregnancy is actually more likely to happen with IVF treatments than a spontaneous conception....

One morning, I woke up around 3am. I remember feeling like something was wrong. I wasn't in any pain. Nah far from it..!!! But I knew something was wrong. I prayed for calmness but there was none. I knew then I needed to get to the hospital. My family didn't understand what the fuss was about. After-all, pregnant people do feel weird times. It was all part of the pregnancy journey they claimed.

You see, my DH was away travelling and I had my family with me. I insisted on going to the hospital and called the driver to come to the house at almost 4am in the morning. Thankfully his phone wasn't switched off and he came right over. I got to the hospital and the doctor asked why I was there. I advised him that I wasn't sure really. The doctor requested I stay back for some tests anyway since I had come to the hospital...

The scans were done and it showed some fluids in the abdomen but the giveaway was the fact that I passed out for a few minutes even though I quickly regained consciousness. And also that my haemoglobin was dropping every hour it was checked. The doctor suspected there was blood loss somewhere but I wasn't in any pain which was unusual for an ectopic. The doctors decided to have an investigative surgery to find out what was going on so we proceeded with anaesthetic and the lights went out.....

I woke up to discover I had lost a tube and some parts of my ovary. I needed a blood transfusion to recover from all the blood loss....

I was very sad. I cried many times and wondered why this was happening to me. Perhaps I had done something wrong in another life!!! Could I have prevented this? 

It took many months to 'get over' the loss. Actually, I am not sure I ever got over it, but I learned to live with the situation. I had nightmares for many nights re-living the situation and wondering what could have happened to me if I hadn't gone to the hospital, what if I was on a cruise ship somewhere?? What if I was in a remote area and couldn't get medical care?? The worry of what could have happened stayed with me for a very long time....

The strange thing is that after a few months, I actually became scared of getting pregnant. I then went on a pill to prevent a pregnancy. I was afraid of another ectopic. The doctors had said a previous ectopic increases the chance of another one.

About a year after my heteropotic pregnancy, I went off the pill and tried again and to my amazement, we got pregnant right away. The excitement I felt knew no bounds. I found out during my Easter holiday in the UK. This was definitely it, I told myself...!!! I was going to be a MUM...!!!!

I googled for the right diet for a pregnant woman and started planning the birth. I even went shopping for maternity clothing. If I only knew that soon after, I would go for an early scan (as advised by doctors giving my history of the ectopic). The sonographer claimed the pregnancy was another ectopic but on an ovary this time and the doctors immediately requested I visit the emergency unit.

Due to the stress of the thought of another ectopic, I collapsed and woke to doctors advising there was fluid in my abdomen and stating an emergency surgery was required because I had another ectopic.

Waking up from this surgery, I found out it was actually a cyst that had burst and not an ectopic as was initially diagnosed. The damage had been done and I felt the pregnancy might not progress.

Dr Google had stories of other women with surgeries in an early pregnancy and all such pregnancies seemed to end in a miscarriage. Weeks later, I did have a miscarriage and the pain I felt was unbearable...This couldn't be happening again....!!!

I was given the option of letting the process of the miscarriage happen naturally or opt for a surgery or pills. I opted for the natural one since I was travelling back to Nigeria in a few days. Two weeks after, there was still no sign of the miscarriage progressing naturally.....

One afternoon, I noticed a spike in my temperature and my pulse rate was quite high. I went to the clinic and was taken in an ambulance to the emergency unit of the clinic which was a few hours away. The gynaecologist felt something was seriously wrong...

After many tests, it was discovered that I had blood poisoning from the foetus that was still inside me and they needed to treat that infection but also perform a D&C surgery to remove the remains. This couldn't be happening. Not only had I lost the pregnancy, but now my life was in danger of organs shutting down due to the Sepsis.

Life seemed so unfair. Why was all this happening to me??? 

Today, I am a stronger person after going through a chemical pregnancy, miscarriages and an ectopic. Experience has shown me that women need to be much nicer to each other. You see, the meanest and most insensitive comments ever said to me were by women!!! This shouldn't be the case.

I actually found out that some of these women had infertility challenges as well and yet, they still felt the need to gloat because they have now had their success!!! How quickly people forget?

Currently, I am about to embark on my third cycle of IVF - this time I will be cycling in the UK. My last two experiences were in Nigeria and though I have heard of a lot of success stories in Nigeria, I have opted for the UK this time.

In my personal experience, the clinics I visited didn't seem equipped to handle my case. My previous surgeries resulted in scarring. I remember one of the clinics had asked me to opt for an egg donor in the middle of the IVF cycle. Just ridiculous!!!

2018 will hopefully be my year of conceiving and hoping that this next one will result in my healthy triplets. I know the thought of triplets might sound crazy. But I would love it!!! My DH often jokes that he will be moving into the guest room if we do have triplets....

In the mean time, I am grateful for each day, for a wonderful DH, for my family support, nieces and nephews who have made me feel like a mum on many occasions. My journey continues as I long to fulfil the dream of having my own biological children.....

Wish me luck!!!

To follow May’s journey please visit:


Shema (UK): Holding onto hope through grief

Shema (UK): Holding onto hope through grief

Brandi (USA): Hope hatching

Brandi (USA): Hope hatching